We were meeting with a group of young people and were talking about our roles in marriage. It was interesting to hear the different views from these 20 something’s. Some of them fell back to their parents traditional roles and others didn’t like that setup. One of the girls said she could not respect her husband if he couldn’t be the sole provider for the family. Another young lady responded, “respect must be earned”. While Rob and I don’t adhere to all the traditional roles in marriage, we are told what our spouses need, and after 30 years of experience I felt I needed to share an important lesson that I have learned. Here was my response.

We live in a world where belittling others is a common, even socially acceptable practice. As much as we focus on anti-bullying campaigns, we promote the tearing down of one another. We can’t seem to find universal value in people, and we raise one group up by knocking another group down. Don’t believe me; just turn on the TV or log onto social media.

There has been a long standing trend in commercials that portray men as bumbling idiots and women as the saviors of the world. While I don’t want to see the trend reversed with women portrayed as airheads and men the superheroes; we need to increase the value of men without decreasing the value of women.

The disrespect that is given to men has become a common occurrence throughout our society and has filtered into many of our homes. It shouldn’t surprise me that this is such an effective method of attack, since respect is one of the greatest needs of men. Rob needs respect as much as I need love.

I’ve heard it said that respect must be earned. I can see this being the case in certain situations, but respect in our marriage is not something Rob has to earn. Scripture does not say “wives respect your husbands, if they earn it”; it is a statement. Not a suggestion and it has no strings attached. I am called to respect my husband.

The young lady responded with the question “but what if he does things that I don’t respect?”

I replied that’s a good point. There are times when Rob does things I don’t respect, but let’s not forget the other side of that equation; Rob is to love me as Christ loved the church.

If Rob has to earn my respect, do I have to earn his love?

There are days when I am not the easiest to love, but he is still expected to love me. We cannot have it both ways ladies.

I’m not sure they got the message, but it’s a lesson that all women need to learn.

It is hypocritical to demand unconditional love but give conditional respect.