It was a normal Monday morning for a traveling couple. We went down to the lobby for the standard breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon. Shortly after we sat down, a well dressed couple walked in and sat at the table right next to us.

We heard them talking about church and a conference they were attending and wondered if they were going to the same conference we were.

It seemed apparent that he was a pastor.

As they talked, a second man joined their party. It appeared that he was the associate pastor or a younger pastor at a partnering church.

The man we believed to be the pastor had forgotten his phone in the room and when he went to retrieve it realized he had also forgotten his room key. It was apparent that his forgetfulness was a frustration to her, even though she had also forgotten her key.

The wife began talking to the other man that was sitting with them. She talked about how well she slept because of the king sized bed and she was able to sprawl out. She went on to explain that they only have a double bed at home and her husband is not as small as he was when they married.

She explained that they could get a bigger bed but that would require her husband to make a decision.

We’re not sure if it was the look on the younger pastors face or the awkward silence in response to her statements, but the woman realized that this conversation was making him feel uncomfortable. She apologized and said, “this is more than you needed to know. Let me wipe that TMI skid mark off your face” as she gently rubbed his check with her thumb.

As a couple who has recovered from two affairs, this interaction had red flags all over it and some lessons to be learned.

1. Beware of bad mouthing your spouse, especially to a person of the opposite sex.
   -In Rob’s affair it was commonplace to talk about frustrations and things lacking in their marriages. These conversations led to an emotional connection and a desire to fulfill something that was missing for a friend.
2. Do not share information about private moments.
   -Sharing private moments or even sleeping arrangements can lead the mind to wander. When our girls were younger we cautioned them to never say, “when I was in the shower, I was in bed or I was getting dressed/undressed when such-n-such happened to a person of the opposite sex.” These types of comments will create mental images that someone other than your spouse shouldn’t have.
3. Beware of the innocent touch.
   -The brush of the cheek, the touch of a hand or the little extra squeeze during the socially acceptable hug could be fulfilling an unmet need and be a test to see if the innocent touch could go further.

All of this may seem innocent enough and you may be thinking these are a little ridiculous, but they may a expose a crack in the foundation that the enemy can and will attempt to exploit.

Neither of our affairs were planned and we weren’t looking to end up in someone else’s arms. They happened through a kind gesture, a smile and a wink, a shared secret, a flirtatious comment, and a gentle touch.

At no point did we decide to have an affair, just the shocking realization that it had already happened.

These innocent acts had unintended consequences and took both of us down roads we never intended to travel.