Ok so now that I have your attention… let’s be honest.  It seems that starting in October and up through the Christmas holiday life gets hectic and full of more and more things to fill our time.  It is also a time in my life where things always seem to happen; death, lost relationships and affairs … back in 1987 I was making No-bake cookies when I got the call that my Grandmother had passed away in her yard while trying to save her brother.  I remember sitting in the kitchen not believing my ears when all of a sudden I realized the smoke detector was going off because I had left the cocoa, sugar, milk and butter on the stove to start melting.  It took me years to make No-bake cookies, because it reminded me of that day.  In the late 1970’s was when my mom’s mom passed away.  She was always my rescuer and I am very much like her.  She loved Christmas and to bake but try as I may I have never been able to recreate the Christmas memories of my childhood.   This in itself leads to a sadness that dictates part of why I dislike this time of year.  All the hustle and bustle of the Holiday season, filled with TV ads of shoppers with smiles on their faces spending and spending and spending.  And why can’t we sing “Joy to the World” any other part of the time of the year why do we sing it to its death only after Thanksgiving?

When someone is dealing with depression, PTSD, sadness, or just plain family issues, this 3 month time frame can get painful. October just gets us ready for Thanksgiving, stores are doing a great job and not just taking one Holiday at a time and I think Christmas starts around September actually.  So let’s start with the 30 days of Thankfulness.  When you are dealing with “your own issues” it is hard to deal with being Thankful for anything especially 30 days of Thankfulness.  Whether you are dealing with depression, PTSD, sadness or just plain family issues, getting ready to face the world with a happy face or sing one more stanza of Joy to the World can make one just want to scream.   So instead of dealing with the issues at hand many people come up with coping mechanisms just to “get by” and “grin and bear it”, but this is not healthy nor is it good health practices.  I should know because I have been the master at just “getting by”, and allowing the past to not allow me to start new traditions that would encompass all my family.  I was so busy trying to recreate what use to be that I have missed many of opportunities to start a new.

So here are a few ideas of what NOT to do:

• Stuff your feelings and take care of everyone else. When you have no one else to care for and have to deal with you; its not pretty.
• Fill your days (every minute of every day) with busyness just so you don’t have to deal with the unhappiness you feel.
• Listen to the lies of Satan that if everyone really knew the truth they would hate me, think less of me or throw me out of the “club”

 

So how do we overcome- First of all I am not going to tell you the things I was told

• Read your Bible more-
• Pray more-

Read your Bible more and pray more. My issues with these 2 statements are that I did not grow up in the church so I never knew if what I was praying was right or what I was reading was applicable to me. I read the words and can’t tell you have many times I was also told: If you don’t know what to read and there are 30 days then read Proverbs or I was told to just let your Bible fall open and read there.  Well Proverbs is good but again I was struggling, I wanted real answers. Not a pat Christian answer: Go Read your Bible and Pray more.

• Don’t share your struggles because people will think you are a complainer

I believe that if you are struggling with the same thing over and over again and you aren’t attempting anything to change your life then maybe you need to first look to see if you fit into the category that “misery loves company”.  I know a few people that have been give tools for a successful life, but their life has always had drama; so when there is NO drama, they have to create it just to feel normal.

My husband realized that this year has been especially difficult for me because starting January 2012 we started sharing more and more of our story of both affairs and how to create a loving relationship after and not allowing Satan to win and break up another marriage.  By sharing and using our voices, to prayerfully save others from the same mistakes we made, we have had to deal with new feelings and because I am using my own advice I have had good days and bad days.  But realizing its “ok to not be ok” has been a huge blessing.  I have cried a lot this holiday season as memories good and bad have come to surface.  I have gotten angry when I just needed to vent and everyone was there to give me the advice “it’ll be ok, just pray, you’ll see”.  Really, I just needed you to sit quietly and listen, not judge me but love me without saying a word.

Part of “just getting through this season” is NOT just getting through.  Find a true friend, find a counselor, journal; don’t just say this too will pass as soon as January 1^st shows  up…because in reality October is only 10 months away.  Have a goal that next Holiday season will be the best one yet.  Then have that for your goal for the following year and year after that.  You have to take care of yourself first.  If you don’t believe me then why when you are on a Jet getting ready for takeoff do they say “ now in case of loss in cabin pressure an oxygen cup will fall from the console, place this elastic over your head and breath normal.  If you are flying with a child please place your oxygen mask on first before helping your child”.  Because you can’t help anyone else until you are getting the oxygen you need first.

During this the holiday season I want you to remember as everyone is hustling and bustling around singing Christmas carols with happy faces; remember a lot of people are just as unhappy as you are but they just haven’t crashed yet.  They are keeping up appearances because that’s what they are supposed to do. During the holidays be true to who you are. Don’t get caught up in the hustle and bustle.  Go back and re-kindle the love of the season for what it truly is: a gift given by a Daddy in heaven that is perfect, who loves us perfectly.  And celebrate the birthday of Your Lord and Savior in a style that Jesus would be proud to be the guest of honor of.

We all have a choice as to whether we go with the flow of societal commercialism OR make new memories that create new traditions.

Here is a list of just a few ideas that popped into my head:

1. Baking cookies; taking them to neighbors you have never met
2. Writing letters to the parents of children who are spending the Holidays in the Children’s Hospitals in your area; include a $5-10 gift card for a coffee shop or a restaurant close to the hospital.
3. Stop thinking you have to buy everyone everything on the list- make your decision as to how much you are going to spend or not spend and stick to it.
4. Have a birthday party for Jesus, where all the gifts are off a wish list for a non-profit to help provide for needs in the upcoming year.
5. What other idea comes to mind?