Words Mean Things – Our Story Part III

Posted on December 6, 2010 by Rob

In 2005 Eric Swartz, known as the tagline guru, had 100 leading advertising, marketing, and branding professionals rank over 300 tagline nominations. The goal was to find the top 10 taglines since 1948 (since the advent of TV). The winners were:

1. Got milk? (1993) California Milk Processor Board
2. Don’t leave home without it. (1975) American Express
3. Just do it. (1988) Nike
4. Where’s the beef? (1984) Wendy’s
5. You’re in good hands with Allstate. (1956) Allstate Insurance
6. Think different. (1998) Apple Computer
7. We try harder. (1962) Avis
8. Tastes great, less filling. (1974) Miller Lite
9. Melts in your mouth, not in your hands. (1954) M&M Candies
10. Takes a licking and keeps on ticking. (1956) Timex

Companies spend millions of dollars to create taglines like these. Why? Because words mean things; if they have a catchy slogan, you’ll believe it, remember it and you will buy their product. Words can create permanent impressions on our brains. We begin to believe that what we hear is true.

Likewise, the words we speak can create permanent impressions on the lives of the hearers. They may be spoken in anger or just joking around but the old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is ridiculous. A major portion of our self image is based on the words that our parents and loved ones spoke about us as children. “You will never amount to anything” is a great way to guarantee your child will never amount to anything. As we get older, words still carry a lot of weight. They may not hold the same power that they did when we were children, but they are still powerful.

“I AM NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR”!!!  That became my regular response in our conversations, and I was right. I was not having an affair. There was nothing going on between the two of us.  But I was being accused of having an affair on a regular basis and with each accusation another wedge was driven between Meredith and me. Besides, there was no physical attraction and, other than being a guy, I wasn’t interested in moving this to a physical level.

After a month or so of this exchange Meredith clarified what she was saying. “You are having an emotional affair”. An “emotional affair”; now you’re just being ridiculous.  I had never heard of such a crazy thing and the clarification didn’t matter. The words “you are having an affair”, like a good company tagline, were already branded into my psyche.

Even if I was having an emotional affair, what was the harm? As I said, I wasn’t attracted to her. “You are looking for your emotional support from her and not me”. I denied it, but it was true, and why wouldn’t I? She encouraged me, complimented me and made me feel like I could accomplish anything. She respected me. It was a really nice change. Why wouldn’t I look to her for that support? What I didn’t understand was the danger involved in an emotional affair.

Somehow through all of this we continued to hang out with them, but things began to change. Like a lot of Christians we would hug when we saw them. One day the hug lasted just a little longer and Helen gave me an extra little squeeze at the end. “What was that” I wondered, she just looked at me smiled. When we all would be talking and there was an uncomfortable joke that could be made, we wouldn’t say anything, but she would give me a little wink. Once in a while, when Meredith and Joe weren’t around we started to flirt a little. Through that, Helen and I began to share a special connection that Joe and Meredith just didn’t have.

Occasionally the topic of our sex lives would come up between Joe and me. It’s not like we were bragging about them and we didn’t plan the conversations but once in a while something would be brought up. “Helen got a new nightie for our anniversary. Holy cow…she looks so good in it”. That mental picture didn’t help and little comments like that started to change the way I viewed Helen. Looking back, it’s scary how little comments can grow out of control.

Then it happened; the perfect storm. It was the “Fall Festival” at church. Meredith was in charge and running around like the preverbal chicken with its head cut off. Joe traveled for a living and was out of town and I had the job of helping with Helen’s kids so that she could work on the festival. As the festivities came to an end, I helped Helen put her kids in the car. There was a little small talk, a hug and a comment that led me to believe she was interested in moving our relationship in a physical direction.

There it was. The opening I had been wondering about and even dreaming about. I asked her “are you saying what I think you’re saying” and she responded “be very careful, I can be dangerous”. DANGER – now that sounded exciting for a guy in a hum-drum marriage. I ran inside and told Meredith I had to get the kids home and took off for the house. I needed to talk to Helen but knew I was short on time. I had to get the kids in bed and call her before Meredith could get home. Our conversation was short but it was clear that we were both interested in moving forward.

That conversation moved things forward at hyper speed. It had been several weeks earlier that I had moved out of the master bedroom and into the extra room but now Meredith and I were talking about divorce. Several times we sat at the table where we once shared family meals and wrote out our divorce papers. We didn’t want to hurt each other but we weren’t on the same page with our marriage. She didn’t want a divorce but was not willing to fight any longer.

At night after everyone was asleep, Helen would sneak into her kitchen and we would talk on the phone for hours. We shared all of the stories that Meredith and I no longer needed to share; our childhood experiences, our dreams and how our lives could be different. We began to develop a plan for the two of us. The problem was we didn’t have a chance to spend time together. So we made a date for a Friday night when Joe would be traveling. The night when everything would fall apart.